How to stay on protocol around food pushers

Hello ladies, and welcome to episode 30. So a fun fact, I started my podcast 30 episodes ago, and when I started, my aim by the end of the year was to have 30 episodes. So I had my vision board, I have that in front of me at all times, and it says I will have recorded 30 episodes in my podcast by the end of the year, and I did it. So it's super fun to keep showing up for you all and helping you on your journey to lose weight permanently using mind management.

So if you are listening to this on the day that it comes out, December the 21st, so Tuesday December the 21st is the last day to sign up for the January group coaching program. So if you're on the fence and you would like to discuss whether it's for you or not, I have a few consults spaces open for you. So sign up by going to the website, www.amruticoaching.com to see if this is a good fit for you.

Now, I have completely changed the way that I coach in the last year and a half that I've been coaching. I have used the tools that I have learned during my coaching certification, during my advanced certification in weight loss, during coaching the hundreds of clients that I've coached, and by adding that south Asian culture edge to it.

So, what I am doing is I am deciding that I will the be the best coach for you. I am deciding that this group is going to be the best that it's ever been. So if you want to be a part of it, decide to join. This is the last day to join so please go to the website and join. If that is you, I welcome you. And most of the spots have been taken up, but there is one spot with your name on it. so make sure you sign up.

Okay. So today I am dealing with how to deal with food pushers. So what is a food pusher firstly? So if you've ever tried to lose weight, you know what a food pusher is, it's that well-meaning family member or that well-meaning friend who keeps offering you food, who keeps commenting on you not needing to lose any weight anymore and that you should eat.

It might be your mum saying you need to eat because you have lost too much weight now and you're going to shrivel away. I remember when I started on my weight loss journey, my mum said, don't lose any more. Now you don't need to be so strict with everything. I actually wasn't being strict, but I was just following my protocol, but because I had never done that before, it was difficult for my mum to understand that this is now how I did things. I planned my food and I stick to that. And it wasn't actually about the weight loss, but it was about developing that relationship with myself. The I do what I say.

I set a goal of weight loss or time management or improving a relationship or whatever it may be, and I stick to that. I follow through with that, those decisions that I've made before.

So those food pushers are usually coming from a place of love. They're normally offering you the food because that's what you've always done. I have this cousin, well, actually a whole group of cousins who have always seen me overeat. They've always seen me be the person who takes the third piece of cake at the birthday party, who would always be willing to try all the different types of foods, who would go for seconds. So when I started on my weight loss journey, well, they'd seen me through loads of weight loss journeys.

But before I started coaching, if I was on a weight loss journey, I would often cave in because I didn't want to deal with the discomfort of them noticing that I was on a diet or that I was being awkward or anything like that. So when I actually started coaching, this came up often and it would be really uncomfortable for me, but because I hadn't thought about, oh, right, this is the reason why they're doing it.

I wasn't looking at, they are only offering me the food because that's what they've always done. And of course, they've got primitive brains as well. So their brains want them to seek pleasure of avoid pain and stay how they are.

They also just want what's best for me, and what they've always seen me do is eat the food. So when I'm doing something that's different, their primitive brain is also saying, wait, what's going on here? Something's different. I don't like this. Go back to how it was. And their way of showing love to me is often by providing food. In the south Asian community food is how we show love. That's what we've been brought up to think. Right? Whenever there's a wedding, let's talk about the food. Whenever there's a birthday party, let's make sure the food is the best. Whenever people come around to our houses, let's provide so much food for them because that's a way of welcoming people.

That's a way of showing love. So of course, when I'm going to go to my cousin's house, he's always going to be like, you know, eat the food, come on, what's wrong, why are you doing this? Often, they would say things like you've lost so much weight. You don't need to lose more, just eat it. Or it's only one day, or I made this just for you. Or another one that used to come up is, oh, it's fresh, so it tastes really good today, but it won't taste very good tomorrow. All of these are examples of things people would say when they are trying to push food on you and often we make it mean that they're making it much harder for us. Why are they doing that?

I remember when I was on my journey and when someone offered me food or when my mum used to bring me food - that was like my thing, I used to think, oh, it's mum's food, you know? And I used to think to myself, "why does mum have to bring me food?" instead of taking responsibility. I can choose to say, no, my mum's only being so lovely and kind, and making the food for me, but I would often find it easier to say, oh, I wish you hadn't brought it for me.

Or when Rick had brought some lovely things round, like normally he would bring a lovely cupcake from work or something like that, you know? And he would be doing it from a place of love, but I'd be thinking, oh, why did you have to bring that for me? Now I'm going to have to eat it. So I would not take responsibility for it.

And I would think it's because of him that I'm feeling tempted and I wish he just wouldn't do that. That comes up often with my clients actually, where they're like, I wish that my husband hadn't brought these lovely foods into the house and he's out to jeopardize my weight loss journey because he keeps buying these things even if I ask him not to.

Okay. Back to the food pushers. So it could be subtle food pushing as well. Things like just have a little bit more, oh, there's only two more spoons left on here so why don't you just finish that? Things like that. Now, these things are going to happen. You're going to be with people for who it is very normal for people to overeat in our culture.

It's more acceptable to overeat than it is to say, actually, no, I'm full, thank you. People may even say to you "what, you're full, only eating that much what's going on? Are you on a diet?" And most people, most of my clients, they find this the most difficult dealing with that discomfort of saying actually, do you know what? I don't want to have any more. Dealing with that discomfort of saying actually, do you know what? I'm really trying to watch what I'm eating. So this is where you want to start thinking about what is important for you. What is the reason why you want to lose the weight?

Why is this more important than anything else going on for you right now? Why are you committing to this? if you're not sure about how to get clear on your why, you can go back and listen to the podcast where I talk about it. And what I want you to think about is I want you to do some of the techniques that I have taught you earlier on this podcast.

So one of the things that you want to do is plan your food. You want to plan from a realistic and doable place. You want to make a plan where you are sure that you're going to feel satisfied that you are going to have had enough. You're going to want to set yourself up for success. And one way of doing that is getting clear on anticipating what obstacles are going to come up.

What kind of things are going to come up that may be uncomfortable for me? It may be your neighbour bringing round some lovely mithai on Diwali. I remember when I lived at my mum and dad's house, we always had people bringing mithai over, over the Diwali period. And that was really hard for me because I was like, oh, I want to try this, and I want to try this, and I want to try this, and I'm going to try this. And often when I used to go round on the rounds, they would say, oh, just try this. I made this especially for you. I know you really love this. So I made this for you. And that is an example of food pushing, right, if I wasn't hungry.

This person was coming from the utmost place of love, but I didn't actually want to at that point. And so if I said no, then I would feel uncomfortable. So what I had to do is I had to get clear on the obstacles that would come up beforehand and know that I'm going to want to eat it. I'm going to feel uncomfortable when they offer it. So what am I going to do?

So that's what I want you to create a strategy for what you would like to do. So what kind of things would you say, are you going to say actually I'm really full, maybe ask for something else, or would you say actually I'd rather just prefer a glass of water? Like what are you going to say in that moment when these things happen?

So I want you to create that strategy from the belief that actually you will be able to stick to this. So I want you to not only anticipate the obstacles, but not be really harsh on yourself when you are planning for the obstacles. So I'll give an example. One of my clients, she does really well during the week, but then struggles at weekends and she says to herself, well, what I'm going to do is I'm going to fully stick to my protocol fully at weekends.

And even when my friends ask, I'm just going to say, nope, I don't want to eat the food, or that's enough, you know, but the reason why she wasn't able to stick to that is because it just felt like it was restrictive for her. It felt like she wasn't able to join in with the fun. And she wasn't able to follow through with that because she wasn't doing it from a place of love. She was doing it from a place of telling herself off. Right?

So what want you to do is plan from that place of love. What would it be like if you actually followed through? And I want you to think about yourself actually following through with this plan and reward yourself for following through.

How often do we just brush our accomplishments under the carpet? This isn't going to help you on your weight loss journey. You want to reward yourself for following through.

And another thing that you can do is try and understand where they're coming from. Are they trying to be mean to you? And ask yourself truly, it will be very easy for you to say, yeah, they're just trying to sabotage my journey, but I want you to think about it.

Is there anything in it for them and trying to sabotage your journey? No, probably not. They probably just want what's best for you. That well-meaning friend who brought in some mince pies over Christmas. She's probably just thinking, you know what? I just want to add in some Christmas cheer, cause it's been really a hard year.

She's not trying to sabotage your weight-loss attempts, even if you've talked to her about it. Even if you said that mince pies are my nemesis and I eat a mince pie whenever it's in front of me. So how can you think about it from their point of view? How can you understand their gesture from a place of where they could be coming from? Try and understand that maybe they had some good intentions behind it.

So I'm going to give you some examples, because I know a lot of you have fed back and said, when you tell me examples, I can really relate to them. And I would like you to tell me more and more clear examples. So I thought that I'm going to bring in some client examples with this one, because this is what I have been working with my clients on the most over the last few weeks.

And I'm going to give you an example of one of my clients who is really doing amazingly with her weight loss journey. She has normal BMI and she had a goal to get to a certain weight by Christmas. And she was really worried that she wouldn't be able to follow through during the Christmas parties that she had planned.

So she had a few Christmas parties and she said, I'm really good during the week. And I'm really good even at weekends when I am not going to a restaurant or I'm not going to a party or things like that. But when I have things planned, that's when I tend to overeat. That's when it's socially acceptable to overeat.

And so all my friends are doing the same. So I just go back to my old habits and do what I've always done, which is overeat at parties and at restaurants. We planned in advance, what the obstacles were going to be. So she was going out with some friends to celebrate Christmas, and it's this group of friends that she has always had alcohol with, always overeaten with, always had the starters, mains, desserts, and she was anxious about this one friend who would be uncomfortable.

So we anticipated what obstacles would come up. We anticipated with what she's going to say if those things came up, she came up with three things that she would say for each of the obstacles that she came up with. So this helped her prepare in advance for what was going to happen.

And then what ended up happening was her friend said to her, you know, why are you being such a party pooper, and actually got upset with her. And because my client had anticipated a lot of these obstacles beforehand, any obstacle that actually came up in the actual moment, she was able to deal with from a much clearer space because the mental energy that she had was going towards not solving all the problems, but just solving this one problem that you hadn't anticipated for.

So she was able to follow through with the plan that she actually had made. And then, even though it was uncomfortable. She was able to appreciate that this is the exact discomfort that she needed to go through. Because then when she went to another party with her work colleagues for Christmas, it was much easier for her to say actually, do you know what I'm really full so I'm not going to order dessert. And that was actually her truth. So she wasn't trying to people-please her work colleagues. It was much easier for her to say actually I'm really full, so I don't really want to have dessert, but you guys go ahead. So because she'd done it once, it was easier for her to do it again and again.

And I can really relate to this as well, because when I first started on my weight loss journey, my friends and my family had always seen me on all these multiple diets. So they thought that, oh, this is one of her next diets. Right? So every time I went to a family gathering and, plus I have a big family and friend circle, so it's often the same conversation with different people, right? So, I had previously before the coaching journey been that the person who would overeat, it was very difficult for my friends and family to see me being different. They thought I was restricting myself. So that's why I had even more people being like, no, no, no. Why are you not eating that? What's going on? You know, you really should eat that. You're depriving yourself. You have already lost so much weight, you don't need to lose anymore, this just seems like such a boring life that you're living all of this. It would just go on and on and on, and this would happen again and again and again and again, every family and friend gathering.

Until when I'd done it the first time, it was hard, it was damn hard. And it was often with my mum and dad with my brother, with my in-laws, with my best friends and when I was able to do it with the people that I was comfortable with, it was still uncomfortable don't get me wrong, but then I got better and better.

And I developed my confidence at following through with the decisions that I'd made beforehand with other people as well, when I'd said it again and again, it just became easier. Right. So I can completely relate to this one as well. And I know that you will be able to relate to it too.

So what I want you to think about is how can you deal with the food pushers that are going to be showing up during this holiday season? How can you get clear on your why. How can you plan in a realistic and doable way for yourself and how can you anticipate what obstacles are gonna come up and create a strategy for that?

How can you think about I'm going to reward myself for following through and how can you understand where they're coming from? These few steps will help you deal with these food pushers from a place of love. And from a place of they only want what's best for me, they're not out to jeopardise my weight loss attempts.

And at the end of the day, I get to take responsibility for it. I get to be in charge of my weight loss journey. I get to follow through if that's what I really want to do. And there's no judgment if you don't follow through, this is just what you've always done. Nothing has gone wrong. I want you to look at it like, yeah, some of the times you will follow through and deal with the food pushers.

Some of the times you won't. As a weight loss coach, I sometimes am not able to deal with some of these food pushers as well, and sometimes I give in, but that does not mean that I then end up beating myself up. It just means that I am allowing myself to fail. And each time that I fail, I learn from that failure.

So it never ends up being a failure. It ends up being I'm either winning or I'm learning. So you know that that's one of my favourite phrases. You're either winning or you're learning. And so then I'm not actually scared of failure because I know that whatever happens, every overeating moment is a chance to get to know myself better.

So then I don't fear the overeating. It takes out the fear and the judgment. So that's what I urge you to do too. So I hope you found this podcast useful and I hope you use it over the holidays. And this is your last chance to join the January group coaching program. So if you found my podcast useful, just imagine the results you're going to get in the group coaching program.

It is the best out there, and I welcome you to join. It will completely change, not only your overeating, but it will completely change the way you deal with your whole life. Because the mind management that you learn in the overeating, you will be able to put into practice for the rest of your life.

You will be able to feel your urges when you don't want to do your work on your calendar. You'll be able to feel your urge to shout at your children. You'll be able to feel the urge to not do the cleaning when you had planned to, you'll be able to process the negative emotion when someone says something to you that you didn't like, you'll be able to feel the success that you are creating in your work, by the thoughts that you're thinking.

You'll be able to feel more present with your loved ones. All of these things you learn in the weight loss journey, because you apply it to yourself first. So I urge you to join. I urge you to give this gift to yourself, this gift that will keep on paying off for the rest of your life. So I will see you again next week.

Take care ladies. Bye.