More curiosity, less criticism

Hello ladies and welcome to the podcast. So in the month of August, I decided that it would be really useful to talk about the emotions of weight loss. So this month we are going to go through the most useful emotions in weight loss. So today we are gonna start off with curiosity.

As always, I like to start off and tell you a little bit about my week and what's been happening.

So I just wanted to let you know, I am recording this podcast a little bit early, so I have been putting together the live event that is happening this Sunday. So by the time that this episode is released, it would've already been completed and I've been so proud of everything that we've put together for this live event.

So this is the first time that this live event is being put on, and it is going to be a workshop to start off the group coaching program so that everyone. in the program gets to know each other. Everyone in the program understands the true reasons of why they want to lose weight. Everyone understands how to create a protocol that is doable and sustainable for them and specific to them. So that everyone's protocol may be slightly different, but it will be the protocol that is gonna help them start off their weight loss journey. Now in the group coaching program, as you know, I talk a lot about evaluation, so how can they evaluate their plans in a way that earns doable for them?

This is everything that we're gonna be learning. I'm gonna be teaching the science of weight loss, the insulin theory of weight loss, and how to make weight loss as easy as possible for them. how different foods affect insulin levels and the other hunger hormones. And it's just gonna be teaching the six step process in a very simple, clear, and doable way so that they can start learning all of these concepts and applying them over the next six months. So I'm so excited about that. That is happening this Sunday. So by the time it's released it would've just happened. So I can't wait for all of the ladies in the program to gain so much from this live event.

Okay. So today we are gonna be talking about curiosity.

Now, when I think about curiosity, I always think about.this being the ability to question what my brain is telling me. So it's about thinking, I wonder why this is happening as opposed to letting myself beat myself up. So when I think of curiosity, I think about wanting to investigate, wanting to know what's going on deep down and trying to uncover the root cause.

Now in this day and age, most people don't question what we're thinking. We believe it. Right? So, so many thoughts may be I'm doing it wrong. I'm a failure. I'm not good at this. I haven't been successful in the past. And these thoughts that we are thinking that we believe that are actually. so a lot of what we do in the group coaching program is I point out that things that my clients believe are just facts.

That they're actually thoughts. Now this may sound like semantics, but it's really important because we can't change the facts. But what we can do is change the way we are thinking about the facts. So if we think that something that we are thinking is actually a fact, then it's impossible to change a fact.

Right? But when we think of something and we identify what we are thinking as a thought, then we know that thoughts are optional. We get to decide how we want to think about the fact, right? So let me give you an example. An example may be. My weight is the same weight as it has been for the last two weeks.

And my thought, maybe this is not working. And that makes me feel disheartened. And when I'm feeling disheartened, I plan my food, but then I have an extra handful of nuts here and there. I may, miss out some evaluations. I may, at weekends think, oh, well, it's not really working anyway. So let me eat off protocol a little bit.

I may justify my overeats and then I create the result of it not working. Right? So even though the fact is the scale, hasn't moved in two weeks, but if my thought is this isn't working and then I'm feeling disheartened and I take these actions, then I basically am proving the thought true and making sure that it doesn't work.

So this is what happens when we believe the thought that we are thinking. And it's really important to know that when we aren't taught to question our thinking, we just believe it. Right? So we, we just think that that is the truth because since children, we have not been taught any differently. So it's very normal.

If this is happening for you. And the reason for this is because our brains are meant to keep us. So our brain will always offer us these thoughts to keep us stuck. You're not doing it right. You shouldn't do that. You're doing it wrong. You're never gonna succeed. This isn't meant for you. You are different to everyone else.

You are failing at this, whatever it may be, that is your brain trying to keep you safe. This is. An evolutionary mechanism to get the brain, to do one of three things, seek pleasure, avoid pain and stay the same or conserve energy. Right? So if your brain is telling you these things, then you aren't gonna try and do anything different.

You are not going to venture out into the wild, right? So you are gonna then stay the same and keep doing what you've always done. So that keeps you safe. Right? And remember when our ancestors were the cavemen and cave women, Then they needed our brains to function like this. They needed our brains to point out anything that may be unsafe.

They needed our brains to be on high alert for any potential danger, because that is what allowed us to be here today. That is what allowed us to survive in those days and develop into who we are today. Right. But if you think about it in this day and age, it's just not the. , we don't have as much real danger, but because our brain hasn't evolved, we anticipate any full danger as real danger.

So for example, when you decide that you've planned your food and someone brings in something to celebrate their son's birthday and you decide not to eat the food. Your brain may have a alarm bells ringing like, oh my gosh, this is life or death. You're saying no to the food. This is gonna be dangerous for our survival.

Right? So any faux danger, it interprets as real danger. And so we still have the same stress response in our body as we would've done. If there was an actual, real danger that was going to threaten our survival. Right. What's important to know is that as humans, we have that prefrontal cortex, we have that part of our brain that understands language that thinks about our greater goals.

And it can actually allow ourselves to watch ourselves thinking this is such an amazing skill that we can do as humans because no other species on this earth can do. so this is useful when our brain offers us thoughts. So for example, when the brain says I deserve it, I need it to relax. I must have it.

Whenever those thoughts come up, we don't need to believe them. We can start becoming the watcher of those thoughts. So I like to think of those thoughts as trains, just going on. Sometimes my sons and I like to sit, in a place where we can watch the trains go by, or you can do the same things with buses.

If you're just sitting on a bench and you can see buses going by, it's the same kind of thing. Our thoughts are like that. They are things that just come and then go. Right. so how would you act. Differently. If you were thinking of them as just coming and going, if we were becoming observers of our own thinking, then we get to look at the thought objectively.

We get to offer ourselves a different perspective. So I'll give you an example for me when I was 92 kilograms, I would think. it's harder for me to lose weight. I didn't think of that as a thought. I actually thought that that was a fact. So then I would feel upset. Then I would take actions of overeating, overspending, wanting to avoid my emotions in every way.

And I would not plan my food. I would go on some binges. And so then I created the result of it being harder for me to lose weight when I thought of it as a fact, Then I wasn't able to think about it in any different way and what our brains do. We have something called a negative cognitive bias. So if I believe that that was a fact, my brain would go to work to try and prove that thought true.

I would try and look for all of the reasons why it was. So I would, notice all of the people who were losing weight and I wasn't losing weight. I would look at all of the reasons why it was harder for me. So I may, look at my genetics. I may look at my past history. I may look at all of these things to prove that thought true.

But when I actually got coached, I realized that it wasn't actually the truth. It was actually a thought and it was just me believing. So when I believed it, then I felt disheartened. Right. And I, you know, um, did the things that I said last time. So I would go on a binge or I would be hard on myself or I, would overeat, I would give into urges.

Right. So then I proved that thought true that it was harder for me to lose weight. But when I realized that it was a thought and it was just what I'd been choosing to think for such a long time. And it just felt true for me, but it wasn't actually who I was. It wasn't actually my truth. That's when I got to kind of have a little bit of wiggle room.

Right. So this is why it feels a little bit hard initially because when our brain has lots of evidence to prove the thought true, because this is how we've been thinking for so long, then it may just be you deciding that. Result that this thought is creating is not something that you want. So you may just decide that this thought is not actually helping me.

what is also important is that our brains like to be correct? We like to be right. And it's so strange because even if the thought feels rubbish, we get this dopamine hit in our brain. when we are right about something. So it's easier than to say to yourself. It's never gonna be possible for me.

And then when it isn't possible for you, you reward yourself weirdly for being right. So you get this dopamine hit and also then it keeps you in this very safe space right? Because you are being rewarded for staying the same. You're being rewarded for proving that thought correct for yourself.

So. This is why so many people don't ever want to change because they're actually being rewarded for thinking negative thoughts about themselves and proving them true every single day. Right? So you want to question, is there another option? Is there a possibility that I could be wrong about this? So when your brain is saying, this is never gonna be possible for me, is that really true?

Is there another alternative? Is there a possibility that it could be possible for me? Is there a possibility that I could be wrong about this? And when you are able to do this, then you are able to just have some wiggle room in some of these thoughts. So some examples may be when you've eaten off protocol, instead of thinking, I'll never be able to get there.

You may be, if you are bringing in curiosity, you may be thinking. Hmm. I wonder what's going on for me. I wonder what's really going on for me, that I felt that I needed to escape that emotion to consume the food, to make myself feel better. I wonder what this root cause is.

Another example is when the scale goes up, instead of thinking, oh, you know, it's not working, I'm never gonna get there. It may be useful to think hmm. I wonder why this is the number that is showing up on the scale today. I like to actually look back through my data and start predicting what the numbers may be. So this curiosity really helps me because I can really embrace that curiosity. Hmm. I wonder what the number's gonna be today.

I wonder why it's this number? What could be the reason so that I can actually get to a solution rather than just beating myself up. When I give into an urge. I asked myself, I wonder what I wanted to escape in that moment. What was the emotion I wanted to escape? Why did I think that it was so unbearable for me to, process that urge so that I can get to the root cause of what's going on for me, rather than just believing the rubbish story that my brain keeps wanting to offer.

When I've had a binge, I may ask myself, I wonder what I was trying to escape. I wonder why I thought that I needed to escape this emotion. I wonder what my thoughts are about this emotion and when I can embrace curiosity, then my whole experience of weight loss, completely changes. When I have used curiosity every single day in my weight loss, it's allowed me to be so much more curious in other areas of my life, in my relationship, in my parenting, in my business, in my time management.

Because when you use this skill in your weight loss, you can use this guilt in any air of your life. I want you to go forward and. Start being curious. I wonder why this is happening as opposed to beating yourself up and blaming yourself. So my friends go forward and be curious today, ask yourself, I wonder why this is happening and answer that question.

Find your answer and keep getting curious about your results. This will help you lose weight in a way that is sustainable for you and to keep it off for good.

Okay. I will See you ladies next week. Take care. Bye-bye.