My dyslexia story

Hi ladies, welcome to the podcast. So today I'm gonna be talking to you about my dyslexia story, because I recently wrote a post about me having dyslexia and so many of you reached out to me. You wanted to know more about it. You wanted to know how it had impacted me, how I found out. So many of you thought that you may have it.

So many of you were judging yourselves about possibly having it. So many of you reached out thinking that your children may have it and what to do. So the vast majority of you who reached out the vibe that I got was that I shouldn't have the dyslexia, that there's something that's gone wrong. And I thought that so much about my dyslexia too, for so long.

So that's why I wanted to do this episode, so you are able to relate to it in your story. And even if you don't have dyslexia, I want you to think about the one thing in your life that you're not able to change, but that you use against yourself. So it may be a diagnosis. It may be something that's happened in the past.

It may be something that someone has told you before. Whatever it may be, if you're using it against yourself, I want you to listen to this episode and just replace the dyslexia with that one thing that you are using against yourself. Okay. So as you know, I have always been a studier, a worker.

I've always been top of the class in all of my, school. And so when I was young, I learned that. Must get good grades. And if you get good grades and if you work hard, then you will get approval from your teacher, from your parents, from society in general, I remember I would always be told, oh, you're such a good girl.

I would always be the student that had to look after the other students. I would always finish my work fast and then, be rewarded for that. And. . I remember I was always compared to my cousins as well. So once my auntie would say to my cousin, why aren't you doing it like this? Why didn't you get the grades that Amruti got?

And I thought that that was so interesting. I felt uncomfortable at the time, but it just highlighted that society praises you for doing well at something. Right? So throughout my schooling, I would always get top grades. And I noticed that, yeah, I had some qualities, like, for example, in English literature, I would struggle a little bit with the essay writing and things like that.

But at the time I just thought, you know, this is just one of the things that isn't your forte. It doesn't matter. And I worked extra hard at it. I really like, would sit and write essays again and again and again, and again. My compensation in those days was to work even harder. And it was basically what I was trying to do at the time was to compensate for my lack in this area.

And remember society praises you for doing more, right. If you're not good at something, work hard at it, work hard at it. Work hard at it. , this is what I would do. And I would always get a stars in all of my GCSE. So what did I get in my GCSE nine, a stars and three A's. And I was heartbroken when I got the three A's and it's because for so long, I, believed that when I, um, doing well at something, then I'm safe.

That's when I get the approval from everyone, that's when I approve of myself. And so when I got an, a, in English literature, in my GCs, . I was really a bit sad actually. And everyone else was saying to me, oh my gosh, you've done so well. So very well done, but I was beating myself up instead of looking at how much I had gained.

I was looking at where I was falling short, basically. So then I went into my a levels and I did four a levels. I did, human biology. chemistry, maths, and government and politics. And I always found the, sciencey and the maths, exams easier, but I really struggled with my government and politics exams, and I came out still getting four A's in my, a levels.

So I applied for medical school and I got into medical school, the uni of my choice. I went to King's college, London, and. I did well in the exams over there. Basically most of them were like multiple choice or short answer questions. So I did really well. And then I decided to do, a degree in psychology during my medical school years.

And so. The psychology degree. It was because I was always interested in mind management. I was always interested in the brain. I was always interested in how it works and how we form relationships and things like that. And I found that the brain fascinating, even when I was a student.

So in psychology, I had to write lots of essays and. This I found really, really hard because they weren't just any old essays. They were of course degree level essays. Right. So I wrote the essays to the best of my ability and I would submit them. And the thing is these were, exams as well. So it wasn't just.

You write it in advance and do a coursework and then submit that we had to literally write essays in these exams. And it was like under time pressure and all of that. And that's where I really struggled, but I just kept telling myself, yeah, it's just something you don't enjoy. It's fine. Just keep doing it.

So I just kept plowing through and I had always been someone who'd get first. And honors and merits and all of that. And I ended up getting a two, one in my degree in psychology and I was like, literally heartbroken. I was literally only one or two marks away from the first, but for me, that was like a failure.

I had that all or nothing thinking you either get the best or you've failed. And so first. I was thinking, should I actually get it remarked or not? And I decided, no, I don't don't think I need to get this remarked. But I remember I was sitting in a room in Kings college, London, and I saw this poster and it said, could you have dyslexia?

And it was just kind of noting some of the signs of dyslexia and some of the ones that it noted were trouble with mixing up letters. And I realized, oh yeah, all throughout my childhood and everything. I mix up the letters M and P trouble memorizing numbers. And I was like, oh yeah, I do. struggle memorizing numbers or repeating numbers.

it said problems with short term memory and like remembering things that had just happened or, recalling events. And I was like, oh yeah, I struggle with that. And it said, Struggling with, writing essays and writing exams. And I was like, oh my gosh, this really does sound like me.

But then I was like, I dismissed it. And I was like, no, you are, you know, an adult now, you can't have had dyslexia because you've done so well in your exams in the past. this doesn't make sense. And I just dismiss. and then it was on my mind a bit for the next few days and I was in uni and so I spoke to my educational supervisor and she was like, yeah, we can get a test for you.

No problem. So I went to, Kings college, London, and they had someone who, gave me a questionnaire to fill in. And I did the questionnaire. And on that, it showed that I scored quite highly. Which means it could be suggestive of dyslexia. So I was like, okay, cool. And so they said, okay, so you've got book an appointment with an educational psychologist now, and they're gonna be the ones who will decide whether you've got dyslexia or not.

So I booked that appointment. I went to the educational psychologist and we did, it was, I think it was about a two or three hour assessment. And they basically gave me lots of tasks. there were some writing tasks. There were a lot of like, sequencing tasks and finding out what the patterns were.

And, like what was the first thing that comes to your brain? When I say this word, you know, things like that. So when I'd finished the test, I felt completely fine. I felt like, okay, cool. And the educational psychologist looked at me and said, You have got a very high IQ, but you are profoundly dyslexic.

And I was like, oh my gosh, what does that mean? Like what he was like, you have such a strong brain, but the way your brain is wired is different to other brains. And what he explained to me about dyslexia is that the. My brain processes. Information is different to say a, a brain that doesn't have dyslexia.

So I struggle with forming patterns. So for example, like I've struggled a, a lot with this in my business, and I noticed that it's because of my dyslexia. So say I am forming a process to do something. that will make it easier in my business. I notice that I will recreate the wheel every time, so I will make much more work for myself to do.

And this is what I'd learned growing up. Right. I wasn't able to form those, easy patterns in my brain. That's what I struggled with most with my dyslexia. And so I would recreate the wheel. I would work even harder. I would tell myself, well, this may be something you struggle with, but that means you've gotta work harder at it because that's the only way you're gonna be.

so a lot of what I've had to do in my business is allow myself to honor the brain that I actually have. And when I was able to stop putting so much judgment on myself and beating myself up about my dyslexia, that's when I was able to appreciate. The pros of having the dyslexia. Right. I was able to really embrace that creativity that I have and how that has actually helped me so much in all areas of my life.

Really. Another thing that I struggled with, when he said to me was, Do you struggle with your short term memory? And I was like, oh my goodness. Yes, I do. I forget things all the time. Someone may tell me to do something and I'll just forget to do it. And it's not because I'm being rude or anything.

It's just because I, forgot this. Got me into a lot of trouble with my mom growing up. And my mother-in-law, she would ask me to do things and I, it's not like I was being rude, but I would just forget to. So I had to create systems for myself where I would write things down or I would put reminders on my phone.

And I had to really build up that relationship with myself, where I planned something. And I actually followed through with myself. Now there's so many times where that was really hard for me, because if I didn't actually, you know, create that system of writing it all down every time and referring back to my notes or going back to my calendar, that was really hard for.

so I had to really just be with myself throughout that process and allow myself not to be perfect at it, but allow myself to have the wisdom to create something for myself that would work for my brain. So it wasn't a very rigid system that I had to stick to. And if I didn't stick to, I would beat myself up.

I had to allow for some failure, I had to allow for some wiggle room. And that was really important for me in this. another thing that I struggle with is time management with the dyslexia. So what happens is I completely under predict the amount of time something is gonna take. So I would always end up being late to places because I would hugely under predict that amount of time that something would take now.

That is still the case with me. I'm never late to my coaching calls actually but I am often late when we are going to places and it's often because I think that, oh yeah, of course we'll get it done in this time, but it takes double the amount of time. So now when I'm planning my time, I often give myself double the amount of time that I think it's gonna take me to complete that task.

And now being a mom. I have to account for my kids, having tantrums or being hungry or wanting to go for a poo or like all of these things that we often don't account for, but that like really impact how long everything's gonna take. So that's definitely been something that I had to really work on.

Another thing is. Allowing my brain to not think in the exact terms that every other brain thinks in. So being okay with my brain being different, I am a hugely optimistic, creative brain, and I know. The way my brain is wired, me having the dyslexia has actually made me the person who I am today.

It's made me the personality, the way I am able to problem solve very easily. And that doesn't phase me very much now I've of course I have the perfectionism and I have the wanting to get things, right. But I am able to problem solve at a level. A lot of people may find that difficult. I am able to put my voice out there and I'm able to deal with disappointment and be okay with it.

I'm able to talk to you on this podcast, even though I'm nervous. Every time I, record a podcast, I'm able to overcome my brain when it says you're not doing well enough. This is all so important in how my brain is wire. because if I keep thinking that there's something wrong with me, then I will keep believing that story that is just basically made up now.

Yes. Does my dyslexia hold me back from certain things? Well, yeah, I guess it will take me longer than some people to read things and I'm more of an audio learner. So I listen to audio books more than I read. I recently, purchased audible and. Before that I was like always buying books and, and always wondering why do they just keep piling up?

And I don't actually read them and it's because I struggle with the, reading of the books. So I remember going back to when I was originally diagnosed that that's when they gave me a Dictaphone, because they said you're more of an audio learner and you are gonna take things in more when you are actually, hearing things as opposed to when you're reading.

So what I did in my medical school exams was I would read the book out into a Dictaphone and then I would listen to it back. That's how I would do it. So yes, it took me probably triple the amount of time of revision than other people, but I was still able to get the results, but obviously then I was building that neural pathway that you need to work three times as hard as other people to get the.

So that showed up in my business a lot where I was, working extra hard. I was overworking. I was working much longer than my allocated hours. I was working into the nights. I was wanting things to be perfect because I didn't think that the way my brain functioned was good enough.

So I would often call myself things like lazy or scattery or messy and things. . And that was another thing that I had to work on because accepting myself for who I actually was and stop, beating myself up about this was a really hard thing for me, allowing myself to be messy and be okay with that, allowing myself to when I'm cooking, know that yeah.

I'm gonna probably drop three things along the way and not make that mean. Something bad about me was something I had to really work. being okay with other people thinking things about me like, oh, I never, remember things or, you know, you're gonna forget. And, and just allowing that to be true for me and not making it mean that there's a flaw in my character was a big deal for me.

So when I was able to get the help that I needed, like, This is still a battle for me sometimes where I still believe my brain when it says there's something wrong with me. But now through coaching, I've just been able to. Accept myself so much more. Love myself so much more be at one with myself.

So much more, be at peace with myself so much more and allow my brain to be different and not only for that to be okay, but for that to be amazing for that to be my gift, the only reason I'm able to do what I do is. I have this brain that is allowing me to function the way I function. So it's really been me being at peace with this brain, me allowing this brain to be how it is and like, often creating safety for myself to be the way that I am to allow my brain to function the way it functions and just be completely at one with it and knowing, yes, my brain is gonna say, oh, you're doing something wrong.

It shouldn't be like this. You should be more productive. You know? you should be doing things faster than this. It takes you twice as long. And then just bringing myself back to, you know, what that may be the way it is. And it's completely. nothing has gone wrong. This is just the way my brain functions.

It's absolutely amazing the way it is. And I am now choosing not to beat myself up for this gift that has been given to me. So for anyone listening, who has dyslexia, who has a child who may have dyslexia or anyone with a neuro divergent brain or anyone, who's using something about them against themselves.

I just want you to hear this one message. you are absolutely amazing and perfect the way you are. You do not need to change yourself for others to approve of you. You don't need to change yourself for you to approve of you, but this is just gonna be something that you just keep working on. and this is something that coaching will help you with.

So if you are interested in that, then make sure you listen to the podcast and actually put into practice. Some of the things that I say, one of the things that I practice when I am having some self deprecating thoughts about myself are of course, I'm thinking this, these are just thoughts that I've been thinking again and again, and they're not true.

So I put my hand on my. I create safety for myself. I feel the emotion that that thought is creating. And then I redirect my brain. I just say, oh, of course, brain you're just mistaken. Remember this is the brain that has allowed me to create this amazing success that I have in my life. Be able to get all the way to medical school and not only do well in medical school, but absolutely kill it.

Despite having dyslexia. And now I start saying to myself, because of my dyslexia, I was able to practice as a doctor for over 10 years and then become a coach. Then embrace the discomfort of being on, entrepreneur of like doing hard things, of putting my voice out into this world of talking about things that no one's talking about of creating the safety for myself to be that thought leader for all of you, amazing people who listen to me and take on what I'm taking.

So, if there's anything about you that you think is, is a flaw about you, how can you think of it as completely amazing, completely perfect the way you are? And if you can't quite get there, that's completely. Okay. How can you just accept yourself for where you are right now? And how can you keep building on that relationship with yourself that you don't need to fix anything about yourself that you are absolutely100% worthy. 100% whole, exactly how you are. Okay my lovely. I will see you next week. Take care. Bye.