Natural vs false pleasures

 Hello, all you lovely ladies! How are you? I am doing really well. Thank you. So I am feeling really, really proud of myself. This is episode 50. I have been providing you with weekly episodes for the last 50 weeks. The next couple of weeks, it's going to be a whole year and I'm just so proud of myself.

There were so many times where I didn't want to record the episode. Not because I didn't love you, because I loved you so much, but I have a primitive brain, right. I have that human part of my brain that doesn't want me to do the hard thing. And it can be quite hard even to me to record a podcast when that's the last thing that I want to do, I'd rather sit in bed and just watch Netflix.

That is not going to help me fulfill my purpose in life. And even when I don't want to do it when I've trained my brain to do it anyway, and aim for B minus work, instead of aiming for the, a star star that I'm used to. That has enabled me to keep showing up for you and keep serving you. So I'm so proud of myself.

I'm so glad that you are all enjoying this and you're tuning in and you are benefiting from this. So well, I would like you to do is I would like you to go to your favorite podcast app and leave me a review. Leave me a rating. I really want to know what you're doing to. Why talk about in this podcast into practice and how it's changed your life.

I would love to hear, so please leave me that review. Now, today, I'm going to be talking about a topic that is really useful for all of you, but before we go there, I just wanted to let you know that I have extended the enrollment for the main group coaching program. So you still have one day. If you're listening to this on the day that it's released, we start the group coaching program on Wednesday, the 11th of May.

So if you're listening to this on Tuesday, the 10th of May, this is your time. I have opened up some more consults for you. So if you go to my website, www dot I'm Rooty coaching.com forward slash group, you would be able to sign up or book a consult and. This is for all of your listeners who. Listen to the podcast and you're trying to implement it, but there's still something in your way.

And even though you're listening to the concepts and you really relate to them and you know, you're thinking, this is totally me. I know this is going to help me. There's something holding you back. And this is what we deal with in the group coaching program. The thing that's holding you back is your own brain.

Your brain is wired to ensure your survival and doing anything new. Is scary for the brain and your primitive brain goes into survival mode and says, no, no, no, don't do anything new because it's going to threaten our survival. So of course, it's going to be holding you back. So if that's you and you're struggling with this and you really want to lose the weight and never have to worry about your weight or your food ever again, if you want to repair that relationship with yourself and stop being so critical and judgmental of yourself.

If you want to just feel better and not have that food chatter in your brain, then this is the program for you. And I've introduced a few changes this round. So I was thinking, how can I provide even more value to you in. You are getting all the teaching and all the coaching that you need in the program.

I have decided to add in a second call and this is to make it available to people from all across the world. So there's going to be two calls a week. I'm just going to try that out for a little while. And I know that this is going to continue going forward because I see the value of having the two calls for my amazing clients.

This is going to be open to current clients and all new clients. So you're not only just getting the one call a week, you're going to be getting two calls a week. So if this is something that you'd be interested in, then this is definitely the time to sign up. So go to my website, www dot I'm routine, coaching.com forward slash group and our link in the show notes as well.

So you can find it. Okay. So today we are going to be talking about natural versus false pleasures. So to actually start off, let's define what pleasure is. So when I checked on Google in the Oxford dictionary, pleasure is the feeling of happy satisfaction and enjoyment. So when you think about that, when you think about pleasure, What comes into your mind?

What is it that you think will provide you with pleasure for me? When I think about pleasure, I'm thinking operate is actually wired to seek pleasure. It is wired to give a dopamine hit in our brain. When we do a certain activity to ensure our survival. When we are thinking that evolutionarily, this is there to ensure our survival, then it helps us with understanding why we do the things that we do.

So in the caveman and cave women days, what would happen is we would do something like a natural pleasure and. We would get a dopamine hit in our brain, which is that feel-good hormone in our brain. And then that would encourage us to keep doing that. So an example is eating food, that's fuel for your body.

So the reason why that's a natural pleasure is because we get a dopamine hit in our brain and then it encourages us to keep doing. Some other natural pleasures that, we have, uh, drinking water. It's pleasurable to drink water, especially when you're thirsty, because that helps to ensure us over. Now the thing is exercise.

When you are exercising, it's a natural pleasure. You get the endorphins in your body when you are exercising and it makes you feel good. And the reason for that is so that we can stay as healthy as possible, right. It can impact our physical and our mental health love. When we are loving someone, then it helps.

Be in that pact and stay in that community. And in the olden days, when we were in the community, then it was less likely that we would be hunted by, a Wolf, for example, right. Connection is similar to love when we feel connected with other people or our purpose, then it gives us some. When we feel accomplished.

So that feeling of accomplishment is a natural pleasure because when you feel accomplished, you want to keep challenging yourself and doing something. And only when we challenge ourselves, are we able to figure out new things, right sex? The reason why sex is pleasurable is because evolutionarily, we want to recreate so we can keep our race going.

And cleanliness when we are in a clean space, then that helps with keeping us alive. So these are the natural pleasures that we are meant to be having, right. They give us a small dopamine hit in our brain and that's what actually helped our ancestors to survive. In those days. There were no concentrated forms of.

Right. But in this day and age, there's so many concentrated forms of pleasure. And the reason why these forms of concentrated pleasure are even there is because of the thought that we need to be happy all the time in society. It's kind of frowned upon. If you're feeling a negative emotion. If you are not happy, then people will look at you and say, okay, why aren't you happy?

Why are you being miserable or whatever they may say to you? Right? So when we're thinking, I need to be happy the whole time. Then you are not accepting the 50, 50 of life. You're expecting to be happy the whole time. And that's where these false pleasures tend to come in. Because when you think that you have to be happy all the time, then you are going to be partaking in activities that are going to give you a big dopamine hit in your brain that are going to make you feel that false pleasure in the moment.

But then there's always going to be a net negative. There's always going to be some sort of consequence to having that. Short-lived highly concentrated. Right. So I'll give you an example of some of these false pleasures that we partake in. One is eating food that isn't fuel for your body. And when you're eating food that isn't fuel for your body, this includes things like flour and sugar when you're eating it on a regular basis, because it's made a very, very concentrated foods that don't show up in their natural forms.

When you refining it and making it more and more and more and more concentrated than the dopamine hit that it gives in your brain is much higher than you would get with eating food that is actually in its natural form and that's fuel for your body. Right? So you get that huge dopamine hit in the moment, but then there's always a net net.

You end up eating all the food. It makes you more hungry. It makes you have more allergies. The Archer is the most strong. You may feel hungry and need to eat more often. And then the other negatives are, you may notice that you're gaining weight, that your clothes are getting tighter, that you're looking at yourself in the mirror and not liking how you.

Look, and then you're shaming yourself and you're judging yourself on top of that. So then that's the net negative that you get from trying to pursue this false pressure. Right? Another false pleasure is alcohol. So when you're drinking alcohol, it's a very concentrated form of pleasure. And so when you drink it, your brain thinks, oh, I've had a huge dopamine hit.

This is essential for my survival. I need more of it, which is why you get more and more urges to drink the alcohol. But then the net negative is that you may have spent a lot of money that you didn't want to spend. You may have.

Acted in a way that you didn't want to act. You may have had a hangover the next day. There's lots of net negatives. And if you're willing to accept those consequences, there's no harm and, you know, partaking in these false pleasures. And actually we are going to do it now and again, so I'm not talking about not doing it at all.

What I'm talking about is trying to minimize as much of this false pleasure as we can and use more of the natural pleasures where we. Another false pleasure is social media. So social media is made to be addictive. It's made to one us to keep being on there because the more we're on there, the more the social media companies make money.

Right. When you're on there, they can show you more ads. And then you get the dopamine hit in your brain each time. Or, this is exciting. I found this out about someone or I learned something new here, or I, found this out about this person. Whenever you're getting those dopamine hits, it's a very concentrated form of pleasure.

But the net negative is that you spent hours and hours on, social media that you didn't actually want to spend your time doing right. Watching TV or box sets is another. You may go in thinking, I just want to watch one, but then by the end of the time you end up watching. So in the moment, the reason why you're doing it is because you have an urge to, watch the next and the next, then the next and these companies are really good because it just starts the next episode, even without you pressing anything.

So you literally have to do nothing and it just plays on, how your brain works, right. That primitive part of your brain just keeps wanting more and more and more because you're getting that false pleasure. You're in a huge concentrated dopamine hit. So of course your brain is going okay. But then that net negative is that you then go to sleep five hours past your bedtime.

Then you're tired the next day and you're not functioning at your best. And then your weight is, going up because you're not sleeping very well. So when you look at all of the net negatives, then you get to decide, okay, do I really want to keep doing this over shopping? Isn't it. It feels so good to buy something, but then when you keep buying and when you keep relying on buying something to give you that dopamine hit, then you're going to end up buying way more than you need it.

And you're going to be having so much more stuff in your house will take longer to de-clutter at all. And it will be you spending a lot of money that you may not have wanted to spend. Right? A lot of us buffer. With the false pleasure of overworking. And I think I'm going to put my hand up to this because I tend to overwork as well.

And I'm working on this, but mind the pun I'm working on the overworking, but it is definitely something that I'm trying to unravel because in our community, we get taught that. You have to work hard to make money. You have to work hard to help people, it can't be easy and these kinds of things.

So I'm in my own self coaching and coaching with my coaches. These are some of the things that I'm unraveling. But overworking is definitely something that shows up, especially in a lot of us women who may be working in our jobs, but then also coming home and doing a lot of the working as well. Now if you live with a partner, you may have a supportive partner.

If you live alone, you may like learn how to just do this by yourself. But at the end of the day, when you are overworking, You are getting that dopamine hit. You're getting that in your, brain. Then the net negative may be that you are absolutely exhausted and you may feel like this is just unsustainable for you.

And you may just want to give up, right? it may be taking time away from your family. It may be taking time away from looking after yourself. So overworking may feel good in the moment, but there is a net negative. Now the thing is porn. So if porn is where you are just getting a very concentrated form of sexual pleasure, then when you are watching that, then you may have the net negative of not connecting with your partner or yourself.

And you may repeat, relying on that to provide that false pleasure because your brain thinks it's essential for your survival. Another thing is gambling. So when spending money and earning money feels like that really concentrated pleasure. That's why a lot of these false pleasures can be very addictive, right?

Because of the way our brain is set up. So eating food that isn't fuel for our body is also quite addictive. And actually they say that sugar is the most addictive substance, even more addictive than, cocaine. So no wonder you're going to be struggling with not eating sugar. It's completely expected and nothing has gone wrong.

So say you tell yourself I'm not going to have sugar and flour for a week and you end up eating, you know, one thing of sugar and flour a day. That doesn't mean you've done anything wrong. It just means you've got a human brain and you have urges and no one's taught you yet how to fill your. And even when you do get taught that there will be times where you still give into your edges, and that doesn't mean anything has gone wrong.

It just means that you've got human brain and listen, we're not aiming for perfection here. All we're doing is aiming for awareness and being able to then make a decision in the moment of how we want to keep. Do we want to keep giving into these urges or do we want to do something about it? And that's what we deal with in the group coaching program, right?

Making an intentional choice after we are aware of what the thoughts are in our brain, right. Then we get to decide, okay, how do we want to interpret these facts in a way that's actually going to serve us going forward? So as a summary, There are plenty of natural pleasures and plenty of false pleasures and the natural pleasures aren't meant to be there to ensure our survival here, you get a small amount of dopamine in the brain, but the thing with the natural pleasures that is so important is that they are sustainable.

They build on each other, they compound. So say you're eating food, that's fuel for your. Initially, it may feel like, okay, you know, I don't see the compound effects, but when you do that for a week, you will start feeling different. When you do that for a month, you will start feeling even better. When you do that for a year, you're like, oh my goodness, I have completely rewired how my brain works.

I am amazing. Right. So you're always going to get that small dopamine hit every time and it keeps getting better. And. Same thing with accomplishment. So if you feel that you are someone who likes a challenge, then accomplishment may be the natural pleasure that you are seeking, right. Where you accomplished something and then you celebrate that and then you accomplished something and then you celebrate that.

And if you're thinking, oh, do you know what I struggle with celebration? Nothing has gone wrong here. Remember, our brains are wired to look for danger, to try and keep us safe. So celebrating something is not going to actually be useful for that primitive part of your brain.

That's looking for danger, right? So what the celebration helps to do is firstly, it may feel uncomfortable and that's okay. But what it helps to do is calm down that primitive part of the brain and just provide safety for that part of the brain to just, settle down for a little while, while you adopt that prefrontal cortex, that human part of your brain to actually incorporate that celebration into your life because we don't celebrate enough, right.

We're always beating ourselves up and telling ourselves what we should have done better, but what would that be like if we gave equal air time, every time we beat ourselves up or told ourselves it wasn't good enough. If we celebrated ourselves for the amazing job that. So I'm not even saying celebrate yourself even more than the mountain you break yourself.

But even if you did it the same amount, your life would completely change, right? Because you would be celebrating yourself a lot more of the time. And remember the more you do something, the easier it becomes. And when you are doing things more and more often, then it gets assigned to your habit part of your brain.

So that's what we're trying to. Establish here. We're trying to get you to remove the thought blocks that are stopping you from creating these habits that are going to keep you going for life that are going to keep you eating this way. Keep you nourishing your body. Keep you moving your body. Keep you loving and connecting with people.

Keep your competition things, keep you recreating and keeping yourself clean and ensuring your survival. Right? So. It's very normal to get that dopamine hit from, doing these, natural pleasures. And in terms of the false pleasures, these may be things like food, that isn't fuel for your body, alcohol, social media, TV, and box sets, overshopping overworking porn, gambling, and anything where you're overdoing something.

Could be a form of a false pleasure. It could be you buffering something where you are doing something because you don't want to feel the negative emotion that will come up if you were doing it. Okay. So what I want you to remember is with the natural pressures, there's no net negative. They just keep building with time.

And this is the reason why I don't tend to watch much TV. I don't drink any alcohol. I don't eat sugar and flour. Most of the. And it's because I noticed that when I minimized the amounts of false pleasure in my life, my brain was more able to appreciate the natural pleasures in my life.

So when I cut out say sugar and flour, I was able to enjoy the dopamine hit albeit less than what I got from sugar and flour, but I was able to enjoy that so much. The joy of accomplishment, the joy of connecting with my family, the joy of loving on my boys, like that joy was so much more profound for me because I wasn't numbing my brain with all of this false pleasure.

So when I eliminated the bits that I didn't really want to, flood my brain with, then I was able to access the natural pleasure so much easier. So. may be that you're still working on things and that is just not a problem at all. But when you notice that, oh, of course, this is just the way my brain is meant to function.

Then it gets rid of all of that shame that you should be assessing. It just allows you to believe, of course, I've just picked this up along the way, somewhere that this is essential for my survival. So of course my brain wants to scroll on Facebook instead of doing the work that I had assigned. Of course.

So when you provide yourself with that grace and that understanding that it doesn't need to be a problem, right? So I want you to practice that with yourself. I want you to look. What are the false pleasures that you are indulging in right now? And why is that? What are the net negatives that you're getting from these false pleasures?

And what would it be like if you try to minimize the false pleasures in your life and rely on more of the natural pressures, what would your life be like? And it doesn't have to be something you're doing it all in one, go getting rid of all of false pleasures. It's just making small tweaks. 'cause remember these small tweaks really compound over time.

So if this is something that really resonated with you and you wanted to actually put it into practice, this is what we do in the main group coaching program. So make sure you go to www.emeriticoaching.com to sign up. And I have consult slots open for today. So we start tomorrow. So make sure if this resonates with you, that you.

Take that action to create that result, that you want that freedom from food that not having to constantly worry about what you're going to eat, whether it's okay, will the clothes fit or any of that, if you just want that freedom from all of that food chatter in your brain, and you just want to learn how to be kinder to yourself.

And actually use that to help you lose weight then this is the program for you.

So I look forward to seeing you on the consult, take care. Bye-bye.