Relaxing without food

Hello ladies and welcome to the podcast. So as you know, I am batch recording some of these podcasts so that I can really enjoy my time with my boys over the summer. So this is the summer break at the moment, and they are having a blast.

So I have said to myself that I'm going to record two podcasts today so that I am able to enjoy my break with them. And I'm able to go to America for my business mastermind and not worry about recording a podcast and, will my clients still get value because I am committed to giving you value even when I am off with my boys. And even when I am in America for my business mastermind.

It's so exciting. I'm going next week. And I am so looking forward to it. It is the time where I get to meet all my fellow coaches and we get to really work on our businesses in a way that is so valuable for our people. So I really learn how to make my content even clearer, even more simple, even more doable. I get to be even more generous to my clients and to my potential clients.

And it's so fun because I learn how to fill my own cup and allow my clients to fill their own cup. So I'm so looking forward to it, I had to. get over a lot of mommy guilt and things like that. And I know I've been a few times, but, each time it comes up, so I just wanted to keep it real for you that if you are doing anything for yourself and you are getting mum guilt, or you're feeling guilty about not doing something for your partner or for your parents or whatever it may be for you, it's completely normal because we are human.

Right. We have been put in a society where being part of a tribe, being part of a community is essential for our survival, right? Because it helped us to be safe whilst we evolved. And so of course I feel guilty when I feel like I am leaving my children. So I had to do a lot of self coaching on that and be like, no, you are not leaving your children. You are not abandoning them. Nothing like that is happening.

What you are doing is being an amazing role model to them that women can go out there and kick ass in business and in life and be amazing role models for their children and be amazing mothers. So this is the thought that I have been working on and I truly believe it.

So remember with thought work, you're only choosing a thought that you actually do believe because otherwise it's not gonna generate the emotion that is going to lead to the actions, which will create our results. Okay. So that was a bit of a tangent from what we are going to be talking about today, but I just wanted to share it with you.

I just wanted to keep it real because all of us are human. All of us are gonna have that 50 50 life. And it's just so fun to know that your coach experiences that too. So that's why I love sharing these things with you because a lot of my clients say to me, oh, I didn't know you went through that too, I thought you had all of your shit figured out and I'm like, hey, we all have our 50% positive emotion, 50% negative emotion, and everyone is going through their own version of difficulties and their own version of successes. And everything is like 50, 50, no matter where you are in this mind management journey.

So with that, I wanted to talk about one of the most common reasons for overeating and this is needing to relax. So many of my clients use food to relax. So when I'm asking, okay, what was the reason that you overrate? For example, one of my clients yesterday was talking about she was not hungry, but what she then did was she felt like she was having a tough time on holiday. And so she wanted to eat the crisps and the chocolate. And I asked her what was the reason? And she said, I just needed to relax.

Now this is so common. I don't think there's any harm in enjoying your food. Remember food is innately enjoyable, right? Because it gives you a dopamine hit every time you eat something because food is meant to be enjoyable so that we keep eating it so that we keep surviving.

But when you are using food or alcohol to relax, for example, in the evenings or on holiday, I want you to notice if you can actually relax without. And I want you to actually question as well, is this food actually relaxing you in my experience with coaching hundreds of ladies, it's actually that the food immediately provides that release.

And that relaxation, but very quickly, like it may last maybe a minute, maybe even 10 seconds for some ladies, maybe a couple of minutes, maybe 10 minutes, but that relaxation doesn't last. And so then what they need to do is they need to keep eating more and more and more to provide that relaxation. . And so then what happens is they end up feeling guilty or they end up feeling some shame for overeating when they weren't really hungry.

And so then it, perpetuates this cycle because they then need to relax from all of this negative emotion that's in their brain. And so then they end up eating more. Right. So I want you to notice how something like this is showing up for you, and I want you to then see. Are you using food to relax.

And then I want you to ask yourself the question, how do you actually relax? Most of my clients use food to relax. And when I ask them, what are the thoughts that they have to relax, or the thoughts that they have about food causing them relaxation. They normally say, oh, I finally have some me. finally, I get to look after me.

Finally, I get to enjoy myself. So I want you to notice that the food is not providing them with relaxation. It's actually the thinking that is making them feel relaxed. So when you are thinking, oh, finally some me time and you feel relaxed when you're thinking, finally, I get to look after me and then you feel relaxed when you're thinking, finally, I get to enjoy myself and you feel relaxed.

It's not the food that is providing the relaxation. It's your thinking? So the food is not the problem. The thinking is the problem. It's the fact that you don't allow yourself any rest or relaxation in the. or even if you are scheduling in some time, full self care for some rest or relaxation, maybe this isn't enough for you.

Or maybe during that alone time, you are not actually relaxing your brain. You may be thinking of the never ending to do list that you have. You may be thinking what the next thing you need to do when you are cooking. You may be thinking about arranging the children's school uniform for the new school term.

That's starting. Whatever it may be for you. This is the reason why you keep using food, because you think food's the problem, but actually it's not the food. It's the thoughts that you're having that lead you to use the food to try and relax. So I want you to ask yourself, what is your Workday like? Do you allow yourself to take break?

Or do you give yourself a badge of honour for working yourself to the bone? And then think this is the norm in the south Asian culture and with women in general, from all cultures, it is often society telling us that the more you do the better, right? We are socialised to believe that when you are doing more for other people, then this is very good. This is a very honourable thing to do, so we tend to do more for our children, for our partners, for our parents, for our in-laws like, whatever it may be. There's kind of like this badge of honour that if you're doing things for other people, you should put yourself out to do things for others, because this is a kind and honorable thing to do.

We often get taught that doing things for yourself or resting means that you are lazy means that you are selfish. I had this thought that I was being lazy. And when I really questioned it, I was probably the most active person I knew in terms of doing things for others. And when my brain told me that I was being lazy, I believed it for so long until I started coaching and I started questioning.

Hold on. Is that really true?

I basically had this to-do list that was never ending. And I kept wanting to catch up on this list. And when I kept doing more and more on this never ending to-do list, the list just kept getting longer and longer. Right. It was always there. So that's when I started noticing that, okay, I'm never gonna fully finish this to-do list.

So. if I don't relax, cuz I always used to tell myself, you can relax after you've done all of these things on, on your to-do list, but because the to-do list kept getting longer and longer and I was never at the end of the to-do list, then I would never rest. So I started noticing that I had to make rest a non-negotiable.

I had to make relaxation and non-negotiable. And so when I did that in my day in my routine, then I didn't need food to relax because I was actually relaxing in the day. And I realized that food wasn't providing me that relaxation. It was me making time for myself during the day. Right. So what do you. do to feel most relaxed.

I want you to think about the situations where you feel most relaxed when it's not to do with food. Most people say, I feel relaxed on holiday, and this is why most people want to go on holiday to feel relaxed. Right. But if you're thinking about it, feeling relaxed is actually an emotion. And the holiday doesn't create that feeling of relaxed.

It's actually your thinking. So what are you thinking when you're on holiday? Are you thinking, oh finally, some me time. Are you thinking I'm really enjoying doing nothing? Are you thinking the kids are entertained so I can have some time for me. This is what you are not allowing yourself to do when you are in your normal day to day environment.

When you're not on holiday. so this is actually the problem, not the eating. When you solve for this, then your overeating will be easier to manage because you will then notice that, oh, I'm eating because I want to feel relaxed, but actually the relaxation isn't caused by the food is actually caused by my thinking.

That's when you can catch yourself in the moment and be like, oh right. I'm using food to relax, but actually it's not the food that will relax me. It's my own thinking. That's when you can start being aware of. Okay. what is the thought that I am thinking right now that is stopping me from feeling relaxed.

That is wanting me to seek the relaxation from food. And that's when you can start making a permanent change to this. Right? So I want you to think about. What are things that relax you? How can you bring real relaxation into your day? I'll tell you some of the things that I do for true relaxation for me.

I want you to think about a list for you as well. So lots of little times in the day, I just take a breath and that really does relax. that provides true, real relaxation.

I just take a deep breath in and a deep breath out. I sometimes put on my meditation app and I do a quick five minute meditation. If I've got five minutes, if I don't and I literally have like a few seconds, I'll just take a few deep breaths. Now a lot of people they know about breathwork, but they don't do it.

We know about so many things in life and we don't do it. You'll only see the benefit when you actually start doing it. And when you start actually making it a priority in your life. so it's not good enough just knowing it it's like the same thing with podcast. It's not good enough. Just listening to my podcast.

If you are not actually doing the things that I suggest in there, then you're not gonna see any results. Right. so this is why it's so important to know what are the thoughts that are blocking me from doing it. If you want to incorporate some breathwork into your day, what are the thoughts that are blocking you?

Is it that you think, oh no, this is too simple. I need to find a more intellectual reason. Is it that you think, oh, no, I don't have time for this. Is it that you think this is too woo and weird and it's not gonna work for. Is it that you've tried it before and it, wasn't sustainable. What are those thoughts that are holding you back?

These are the ones that you wanna look at because these are the ones that will be stopping you from doing the thing that you actually want to do. So I do some breathwork in the day. I've been incorporating this into my routine a lot more in the last couple of months and it has changed everything for me.

I have been slowing down a lot more. I have been, just completely. more aware of everything that's going on and don't get me wrong. I still experience a lot of negative emotion, 50 50, because that's just the fact of life, but I'm able to watch my emotions to a whole other level. So if you are considering breathwork, this is definitely something I would suggest I go and get a drink of water.

A lot of the times just doing something to actually replenish. Like physically or mentally are the things that my body is seeking for relaxation. So I'll go and get a quick drink of water. I may go for a quick walk. it may just be in my house. It doesn't have to be outside. It could just be just moving my body.

I may listen to a podcast that one of my mentors has recorded and I look for how can this actually apply to me? How can I start incorporating something from this podcast? Because otherwise what I'm doing is I'm consuming. And if you haven't listened to the consuming versus creating podcasts, go back and listen to it.

When you're just consuming, all you're doing is getting a dopamine hit from the knowledge. But what I want you to do is actually put it into practice, create something for yourself. I go and talk to someone I love I connect. So I want you to think about what replenishes you and how can you start doing that as a priority.

This is why. When people say to me on a consult, coaching is expensive. I could go on holiday with that money. I always ask them, why do you go on holiday? And they often say to feel relaxed and I then ask them, how long does that feeling of relaxed last, when you come back from holiday and they often say it doesn't last very long, maybe a week.

And that's why they say this is why I need to keep going on holiday. so my friends coaching allows you to feel relaxed without needing to go on holiday. This is why I love my life, even in the normal, everyday task, because I make that time for myself. Now don't get me wrong. I love holidays too, but I don't need to rely on holidays to feel relaxed.

I generate that feeling of relaxed in my day, throughout the year. So I notice. maybe me two or three years ago. I would've really relied on holidays to feel relaxed, but I compared myself to me today. I actually feel relaxed a lot of the day, so I don't need to escape to go on holiday to feel better.

And. I really love that about my life now, because I know that my feeling of relax is generated by my thinking not by going on holiday so I can generate that thinking at any time I can allow myself to have some me time at any time. And I get it. It's hard sometimes with children with busy lives, but this is even more of a reason to do it.

Life is never gonna stop being busy. So this is why we need to intentionally create some time and some space in our lives to feel relaxed to do something for ourselves. Right. So when you do make time for yourself, you may have to work through some of the thinking about you being lazy, because that definitely came up for me and comes up with a lot of my clients.

And this is only because of old programming, the patriarchy, our culture telling us that we need to do more, but you get to then work through some of that. And see, is this really true for you right now? Do you want to carry on, on this hamster wheel of doing, doing, doing, or do you want to actually make that time for yourself now?

A lot of my clients say to me, I feel relaxed when I am going on holiday or when I'm having a spa and things like that. But what I want to offer to you in this podcast is that not, that there's anything wrong with, having spas and going on holiday and stuff. I love those things, but I want to offer that there's a way for you to feel relaxed without needing these things. You get to choose thinking that makes you feel relaxed as opposed to needing these things. so I want you to think about for you, what are the thoughts that are gonna make you feel relaxed? And if you're thinking, oh, I'm not really sure.

Try and think about what the thoughts you're thinking on holiday. What are the thoughts you're thinking when you are, when you're having that spa day, when you are feeling relaxed, what are you thinking then? And you can use some of those thoughts to access and to use when you are going about your daily life.

Okay. my lovely ladies. If you would like to really bring. Relaxation into your daily life. I would suggest joining the next group coaching program. So the next group coaching program is going to start in November and I am going to be enrolling in October. And if you would like to find out the information first, then I would recommend going to join the waiting list for the group coaching program, and you could do that by going to www.amruticoaching.com/group.

Okay. I look forward to speaking to you next week. Take care. Bye.