Stop making weight loss so damn serious

Hello ladies and welcome to the podcast! Today I have got a bit of a rant for you, so brace yourself. I'm going to be talking about how to stop making weight loss so damn serious. So this is an episode for you if you are in the perfectionistic mindset. It has to be perfect. I have to do it a certain way and if I don't, then I failed. So if you are like that, then this is the episode for you.

If you are the type of person to be quite blase about it, not commit, then I don't want you to use this episode against yourself, or as an indication that you're doing it correctly, because I want you to take this episode in a way that's actually going to serve you. So it's actually going to help you if you are the person who is very strict about your weight loss, makes it very serious, very dramatic. Then this is the episode for you to kind of, bring a little bit of the opposite into it. Bring a little bit of fun into it. Bring a little bit of kind of lightheartedness into your weight loss.

If you're already that person who, you know, wants it all to be fun and lighthearted, then try and listen to the episode and see how you can bring the opposite into it.

Okay. So if you are listening to this as it comes out, the May group coaching program is open. So make sure if you want to have a consult that you go to the website, www.amrutioaching.com/group to either sign up directly or book a consult. I look forward to inviting you into the group.

Okay. So how do you know that you're making weight loss so damn serious? You can just tell, whenever you think about weight loss, what is the feeling that comes up for you? How are you thinking about it? You may notice that your brain goes to, oh, I have to go back to doing this again. I don't really want to, but I have to do it. Or it may go to, I have to plan perfectly otherwise I'm not going to lose weight or it may go into the restriction type mindset of if I don't stick to my plan completely, then I'll never lose weight.

So, if this is you, then I just wanted to offer that there is a way of losing weight without making it so damn serious. But before we go into that, I just wanted to explain why it happens.

So your brain is primed to look for danger. This is what it is meant to do. This is the sole purpose of your primitive brain. It's meant to look out for danger, be on the lookout for danger all the time, so that it can protect you so that it can ensure your survival. So what it is always looking for is danger. So when there isn't a real danger, like a tiger chasing you like in the old days, then it's going to interpret things in your everyday life as dangerous. So for example, if you had put on your plan that you're going to have the dahl and the rice and the curry and the salad, and then someone brings in simosas, your brain is going to interpret that as a danger. And it's going to say, well, you're going to miss out if you don't eat it. If you don't have it, then the other person's going to be disappointed or you can't be rude by not eating it or that's so antisocial, you have to have it. So all of these thoughts are your brain's way of trying to get you to eat the food.

This is your brain's way of ensuring your survival, because remember your brain thinks that when I eat the food, then I will stay alive longer. Right? So your brain may see things that are happening in your everyday life, it interprets it as life or death. It interprets it as okay, if I'm going to be running away from the tiger, if I say no to the extra helping of food, then I will die.

So it's remember your primitive brain is meant to keep you safe. And also it's meant to be dramatic because your brain thrives on that. It thrives on making it life or death, because then it's able to process that information. It's able to raise up your adrenaline and your cortisol and your stress hormones so that it can generate that stress response in your body.

Okay. So knowing that your brain is always going to make weight loss dramatic, the opposite of that is to look for all the ways that it's not actually dramatic, that it's not actually so serious. So a way that this shows up for me is that I often used to describe myself as very dramatic. And now I catch myself describing myself like that because when I think the thought I'm very dramatic, I actually feel a bit embarrassed. And then when I'm feeling embarrassed, when I'm thinking that I'm dramatic, then the things that I do, or like, you know, try to hide this drama, or I try to push it away because I'm embarrassed of it. And so what tends to happen is that when I'm trying to hide it or change it, it actually creates more drama in my life because the effort that I'm putting in to push this drama away is actually what's creating more drama in my life because I'm paying so much attention to it and remember what you pay attention to grows.

So if you're paying attention to, "oh, I feel so deprived, this is so hard" then you're going to create more of that because remember, it's our thinking that creates our results.

Whereas if you understand that your brain is primed to look for the drama, it's primed to look for why this is life or death, then how can you bring in some fun, how can you bring in some lightheartedness into it?

So for me, how I tried to do this was I tried to look for the ways that it was fun. Now, trust me at the beginning, this was super hard because I was like, this is not fun. This is so mean. Why do I have to go through this? Everyone else seems to lose weight just like that. But this was only what my brain was seeing. It didn't see the hundreds and thousands and millions of people who are actually struggling with their weight loss. It would only look at the people who had lost the weight and kept it off.

And remember, this is only less than 1% of the population. This is less than 1% of people who actually go to lose weight and keep it off. So when I was thinking that it's harder for me, I was looking at all the evidence that would prove that. This is called a negative cognitive bias where you are always looking for information to prove the underlying thought that you have true.

So if you're thinking a negative thought, it's always going to look for all the evidence to prove that true. Right? I didn't even then notice when there were people who had tried to lose weight and then gained it all back and more. So it wouldn't help normalise my own experience. Make my experience wrong compared to what I thought was going on in the world.

So when I was able to just offer the other side of the story as well, like when my brain offered, "this is the hardest thing ever, if I don't eat it, I'll miss out", I would just offer the other side of the. So, this is what we call equal air time, where you just basically offer the other side of the story as well.

So I would then say to my brain. "Yeah, but when I eat it, yeah, it tastes good in the moment. But then I have to deal with all the drama of feeling guilty afterwards, being annoyed at myself, my clothes, not fitting and then having stronger urges and more hunger the next day. Do I really want to deal with that? Mm, no, I don't." So when I'm offering equal air time, then it was easier for me to calm down my dramatic brain.

Another way that it shows up is that for my clients, they often describe themselves as having failed when they eat one thing off protocol. So what ask them to do is often to quantify it. So if you haven't listened to the facts versus thoughts podcast then - I think that's podcast two - so go back and learn how to tell the difference between facts and thoughts. But here it can be very useful because when they think they've failed eating off protocol, then they feel shame and then they end up overeating and they go into all or nothing thinking, and then they end up getting further and further away from where they want to go.

Right? So what I ask them to do is to look at the facts. Okay. What did you eat? Often when they actually write it down that I ate a chocolate off protocol and then I had some extra fruit and I had an extra handful of nuts, when they look at it as that and not as the story that they're telling themselves that, "oh, I failed at this, I'm never going to get there, I'm weak, I'm a greedy" or any of those stories, they're just the stories that they've assigned to the facts.

And those stories are not true unless they decide to believe that they're true. Now remember your, brain is going to offer you 60,000 thoughts a day and often they're going to be contrasting thoughts. Some of them are going to be amazing. Some of them I'm going to be "I'm unworthy". Which ones do you choose to believe? You don't need to believe them all. You get to decide whether that sentence in your brain is worth you believing or not. And that's what we often forget that any thought that we think, we get to decide if we want to believe it or not.

It doesn't automatically become the thing that we believe. That's what a lot of my clients think. They think that when they think the thought "I'm greedy", that that must be, that must mean that they're greedy. But what I get them to do in coaching is challenge some of that thinking, is that really true? How are they not? What evidence do they have that actually they eat on protocol majority of the time?

And when you start looking at it, you can even like do some sort of percentage. So what was the percentage of the time that you stayed on protocol yesterday? For example, usually what they'll find is the vast majority of the time they stayed on protocol and then they interpreted something as in an all or nothing way.

I ate something off protocol so I've already failed. So I may as well have X, Y, and Z as well. And that just doesn't have to be the case. You get to, in that moment, just be aware of it, acknowledge it, accept that. Yes, you are going to eat off protocol sometimes, and that we're not aiming for perfection.

We're just aiming for awareness and taking action from that. So how that will show up is say, you've eaten something off. You don't need to go into the whole drama about, or, you know, I've, failed. I'm always going to fail. This is never going to work for me. Let me just go and eat all the things under the sun, and then I'll start tomorrow.

You don't need to do that. You can just be like, okay, I ate this off protocol. Of course this is going to happen. I'm human doesn't mean anything about me or my worthiness or anything like that. And I can just get straight back on protocol. I don't need to make it a big deal. And when you normalise that, yes, you are going to go off protocol sometimes.

Listen, ladies, I am a weight loss coach and I often go off protocol, but I have committed to learning from every time that I go for it. So I still plan my food. I still do my evaluations every single day. I still do my thought downloads in the morning and the evening where I in the morning, I prepare myself for the day. I anticipate what kind of obstacles may come up today. And I solve for them.

And then at the end of the day, I look at okay, how much of the time did I eat on protocol? What happened for me? how can I improve going forward? And when you are committed to that learning, then you'll never failing because you either, then when.

Well, you're learning and that learning opportunities, the thing that's actually going to help you win in the future. Right? My clients often also go into all or nothing thinking. So they're thinking kind of like, oh, I haven't done it fully perfectly. So that means I've failed. And unfortunately, when they're thinking that that's the thing that's going to make them fail because it doesn't allow them to be in that compassion for them.

Now a lot of my clients asked me, what's the difference between having compassion for yourself and just letting yourself off the hook? And compassion feels loving, accepting, and warm in your body, letting yourself off the hook. You'll know how it feels in your body, because it will feel icky.

Like you're making an excuse that you're letting yourself off the hook. You will know the difference, by how it feels in your body. So that's how I would, tell the. And also if that thought comes into your head that, or may be letting myself off the hook, I would pay attention to that because there's normally some, sort of substance underlying that. So I would follow that intuition that you have.

Okay. So whenever you are doing this, acknowledge that you're doing it and just stop! When you're going into that one or nothing thinking or telling yourself that it's the end of the world, acknowledge it and just say, okay, I get to choose if I want to carry on.

And other things that you could do to bring on the other side are just to ask yourself some questions. What would it be like if I cut myself some slack? What if I wasn't allowed to go into all or nothing thinking, how would I handle it then?  I would look for other ways that you enjoy it. The way I enjoy eating on protocol is that I get that sense of accomplishment after I've done it.

I am so proud of myself when I felt that first urge of the day, because for me, when I felt that first urge of the day, it feels like, yes, I can accomplish it. Like right now, as I'm recording this podcast for you and feeding a whisper of hunger and my primitive brain before recording this podcast said, no, you don't need to record the podcast just go and eat because otherwise you're not going to be able to record it and you're not going to be in your highest energy and things like that. And you know what I said to my brain, I said to my brain, "a little bit of hunger, isn't going to harm me." It's still only 10 something in the morning, so I don't normally eat until midday. It's okay. I might just be thirsty. I'll drink some water. I might just be wanting some caffeine. So I'll have a coffee. I might just be wanting to give into my primitive brain because that's what I've done for decades of my life. And that is okay, because this is just an urge. So when I'm able to talk to myself about how I'm going to feel often, I felt the urge.

It feels so much better and I'm more likely to do it when I remind myself of the reasons why I want to do. it's just so much more compelling for me than eating food when I'm not physically hungry or when I'm just trying to give into an urge. Right. So what I remind myself of why I want to do this, I want to be able to wear anything from my cupboard and it just fit and not have all this drama about, oh, this doesn't fit and that doesn't fit and oh gosh, what they're going to think and all of that. I already have a dramatic brain. Right. So why would I want to add more drama? My brain is primed to be an, all of our brains are prone to be dramatic because it wants us to, you know, have that life or death situation so that you will eat the food. Right. So how can we just bring some fun into it?

How could I make it fun? And I make my days fun by actually making my food. I actually prefer eating the food at home then than when going out to restaurants a lot of the time, because I know that the food that I'm going to get at home is on protocol. It's delicious. It's nutritious. It's all the foods that really nourish my body.

And actually now when I go out, I will still eat and I'll still enjoy myself, but I realised that actually I feel so much better when I eat the foods I prepare for myself at home and that feels like such a loving thing to do for myself. That feels like such a kind thing to do for myself. So I actually enjoy eating the foods that I eat on an everyday basis. And when I've eaten off protocol for a few days in a row, I really feel it in my body and my body craves the loving attention I give to my body when I'm preparing my food, when I'm moving my body in a loving way, when I'm doing my thought download, when I'm doing the things that care for me, right.

How else is it fun? For me it's so much fun to be able to have a protocol that I love eating too, that I stick to, it's so much fun to be able to say no when I'm not physically hungry, it's so much fun to be able to cook for my kids and not need to have their leftovers. That for me is so fun. And the thing that's the most fun about it is seeing how I've developed. Just less than two years ago I would have been hoovering up their leftovers. I would have been finishing up everything on my plate. I would have been eating more and more and more. And now two years later, I love the fact that I have changed as a person. And I'm so proud of myself for that. So I remind myself, I write down all the reasons I enjoy it. I enjoy eating food that's fuel for my body. I enjoy sleeping well, I enjoy not having tummy pain when I'm eating. I enjoy not feeling so bloated. I enjoy being the person who creates a protocol and sticks to it. I enjoy being a person who doesn't have drama about what to eat and doesn't think about food all day. I enjoy being a person who is able to make a plan, stick to it and follow through with my decision.

I enjoy being a person who values what I think and thinks of myself as important enough to follow through. So when I think of that, that is so much more enticing. It doesn't really entice me as much to eat the extra chocolate off my protocol, it's much more enticing for me to be that person who never has to worry about my weight ever again.

And yes, in the moment it's what my brain is primed to do to tell me all the reasons why I should eat the food. But that's when I have a whole array of thoughts that I choose to think on purpose to decrease some of that drama. So for you, what you can do when you notice yourself going into making this weight loss so dramatic, so serious, look for all the ways that you enjoy it. And if it didn't feel fun, how could you make it fun? How could you cut yourself a bit of slack? Write down all the reasons you enjoyed it. And I just wanted to add just at the end, it may feel fake at first, you may think I'm writing down all of these ways that I'm enjoying it. And I don't really enjoy. It may feel uncomfortable and it's meant to feel a bit uncomfortable.

It's not meant to feel all rainbows and daisies at the beginning because you are doing something against what you normally would do. So yes, your brain will offer some discomfort. It will be uncomfortable at the beginning, but the more you do it and the more you look for all the reasons you do enjoy it, even if it's a 1% change to what you're currently thinking that over the course of six months will hugely compound.

You will be a different person by then. So if it feels a bit uncomfortable, that means you're doing it right. Because remember discomfort is that currency to success. And all those things that are worth doing are going to create some discomfort for you. That doesn't mean you're doing it wrong. That means you're right on track.

That means you're in fact, challenging yourself. And that's the thing that's going to create that result. So, if you would like further help with this, join the may group coaching program, you can go to www.amruticoaching.com/group to sign up or to arrange a free consult. And I really look forward to helping you on this.

This is going to be the first step for you to never have to worry about your food or your weight. And even before you join, if you just start making these small changes, then when you do join it's going to be so much more efficient for you.

All right, ladies, I will see you next week. Take care. Bye.