Turn jealousy into inspiration

Hello ladies, and welcome to podcast 40.

I can't believe where at podcast 40 already, it's been so fun to bring you these regular weekly podcasts. And I hope you're sharing them with all of your friends and family who you think could benefit from them as well, because it's so fun for me to know that I'm impacting so many thousands of you who are listening every week and showing up and messaging me saying that these are changing your life just by listening to them and putting some of the things that I talk about into practice.

Even if you never join any of the group coaching programs, if you put into practice exactly what I teach on the podcast, you will create tremendous results for yourself. So I am super excited about that.

But if you do think that the podcasts are really useful for you, but you wanted to take it one step further and you want help with applying it for yourself. I am currently offering two things.

So I have opened up spots in my one-to-one coaching practice, I have up to five spots available and I also am enrolling for the group coaching program, which starts in May.

So if you're interested in losing weight for the last time, and you are fed up of doing all the things you've always done, which have not worked, and you know that there is something deeper that you would like to explore and overcome, this is what coaching actually gets to the bottom of. So either the one-to-one coaching or the group coaching program would be perfect for you.

So you can go to my website, www.amruticoaching.com and go to Work With Me to find out more information. I would be honored to help you. And I know that you will be a success story on my podcast in the coming few months.

Okay. Let's get started on the podcast today. So I wanted to talk about something that's come up with quite a few of my clients recently, and it is jealousy. And in this podcast, I wanted to talk to you about how we can use jealousy as the basis of inspiration. So how can we change our thoughts of jealousy into thoughts of inspiration? Okay.

So let's start off with what is jealousy? So when I looked up the definition of jealousy, it was the feeling or showing an envious resentment of someone or their achievements, possessions or perceived advantages.

So jealousy is a normal human emotion. As you know, I always say life is 50, 50. It's normal to feel 50% negative emotion as well as 50% positive emotion. So if it's normal to feel jealous, then it's not a problem. When you feel jealous, I feel it. I feel it often, sometimes. But now I catch myself and questioned why I'm jealous.

And usually it's because I think that it should be easier for me to achieve the goal that the person has already achieved. So the person that I'm jealous of, if they have achieved that goal, then I realised that I'm jealous because they have achieved the goal that I am trying to achieve. But when I catch that I am jealous, I often remind myself that because life is 50 50 for every human on this planet. I remind myself that I may be struggling with this issue right now that they have, in my eyes, sorted, but they are struggling with their own issues. They have 50% negative emotion as well. And the reason that I'm jealous is because they have what I want.

But when I question, how does it feel in my body when I'm jealous? I realised that it feels quite heavy and icky, and I don't particularly like the sensation of jealousy in my body. I don't particularly like feeling it. So there is a part of me that thinks that this other person has it easier than me, that they have their stuff together.

They have their shit together and that they have it easier in this particular area. And I don't, so it's a lot of self judgment and it can lead to quite a negative spiral and we feel jealous because we think that if only we could get this one thing, then we would be happy. If only we could lose the weight, then we would feel happy.

We would feel content. We would feel in control. We would feel accomplished, but weight loss doesn't create happiness or success or accomplishment. Our thinking does. You can lose weight, and if you're still carrying that thinking that makes you feel jealous then that thinking will still apply in another scenario.

So you'll just use that same thinking in different scenarios. For example, at work, you may be jealous of a work colleague, or in relationships you may be jealous of a partner or a friend. And even though others may describe you as having the perfect life. You may describe your life as not enough, because you're constantly comparing yourself to other people and feeling jealous of what they have and not looking at what you already have that is so amazing.

And so this is a form of scarcity type thinking. And so if you haven't listened to the podcast on scarcity thinking, then that'd be a really useful podcast for you to go and listen to. So other ways that it shows up maybe in little comments that you make to other people. So I know it showed up for me because I would say things like, oh, it's so annoying that you get to eat everything you want and you don't put on weight.

I know I used to say this to Rick all the time. And he used to say to me, you know, there are other things that I struggle with that you don't. So it's just normal. And at that time, all I could see was he was eating all the food under the sun. And I, at that time, when I was dieting, yo-yo dieting for decades, I would think I'm not eating this and I'm not eating that.

And just by looking at food, I put on weight and I see Rick eating all this other food and not putting on weight. I used to feel jealous. Not that I would overtly feel jealous of my husband, nothing like that. But these little comments implied to me that I thought it was easier for him than it was for me, that he had it easier than me.

That if only I could be like him, then I would feel better. At that point. I didn't know that my thinking created my feelings and then my feelings created my actions and then my actions determined my results. So what I would do at that time was kind of just think about what is he doing, let me try and do what he's doing too.

I would look at other naturally slim people and try and do what they were doing. But what I didn't realise was that it was their thinking that was creating their results. So it wasn't just what they were doing. And I realised that when I was just trying to mimic them, it was never sustainable. I could do it maybe for one day or two days, but then when I hadn't changed my own thinking, I could never sustain these actions Right. So you want to be able to change your thinking that's creating the jealousy, not just mimic the actions that you think the other person is.

Okay. So another subtle way that it may show up is when you're comparing yourself to others and it showed up in some of the group coaching programs that I run where you say things like "I'm so happy for everyone else who's been losing weight, but I've not been losing weight the same way." Just starting off that sentence shows a little bit of comparing and it made the client feel victimised. There was another story in a coaching call today where a client of mine was jealous of another mum who had it easy.

And she said that her life is easy all the time. And when she was comparing her life to this other mum, it kept her stuck in victim mode. And when she was stuck, she was not moving forward at all in any area. So when we coached, we explored all the ways where she could view this other person as an inspiration.

What if they could win at this and so could you, what if you didn't make their success mean anything about your flaws, but instead something that you are working towards and what if you could be genuinely so happy for them and not use it as something to tell yourself off about, or judge yourself about.

The fact that this person has achieved it is an indication that it is possible. It's an indication to show you that it is possible for you to, if you choose to believe that. And if they achieved this, it's because of their thinking. Right. So what were they thinking about weight loss? How were they feeling? What were they doing?

And how can you use that as inspiration? I love to have clients ask me, how did you do it? And I often tell them, I can tell you all the things that I did. If you did the same things without changing your thinking, you won't get the results because it's not our actions that create our results. It's our thinking that creates our results.

Whereas we live in a culture where we focus on the doing, what do I need to do? What do I need to eat? What exercise do I need to do? What do I need to read? What do I need to make as my food? And whenever we're focusing on the doing, we're not focusing enough time on the thinking. When you are thinking thoughts that are going to fuel you, then the actions become much easier to do because they're fueled by a positive emotion.

For me, it's often determination, committed, courageous. When I'm feeling those emotions, I may take the same actions, but my results going to be completely different than when I'm forcing myself into doing the things that I don't really want to do, because I think I should, then I will not create the same results as when I'm feeling committed and motivated.

So this is the reason why changing your thinking is so important. And I love the thought if it's possible for them, it's possible for me to. I often use this in my own coaching mastermind. So I'm part of a business coaching mastermind with the best coaches in the world. And this can sometimes be scary because my mind often goes to comparison and because I'm used to being the best of the best, the top of the class, the a star student as I was in my studying days as a medic, I was always the top of the class. This is something that I've really had to work on being able to change my jealousy or my comparison into inspiration. So when I noticed that thought coming up for me, I often remind my brain that if it's possible for them, then it's possible for me to.

They created those results because of the thoughts that they were thinking and reminding myself that if they thought those thoughts and believed them, they created these results. So all I need to do then is change my thinking to something that I actually believe that's going to get me closer to my result.

And this has been the process that has created so much success for me in my weight loss, life and in my business. Because if I am willing to look at others around me as inspiration, rather than comparison, then this is the process that will work for you too. So what is the process?

Step one of this process is being aware. So noticing what jealousy feels like in your body. How are you aware that you're jealous? What do you notice?

And then accepting. So step two is accepting that you are jealous. Normally what we do is we resist it. We think we shouldn't be jealous. So let me push it away. That may be a time where you want to overeat, or you may want to avoid the negative emotion of jealousy and scroll on your phone or numb out your emotions with watching a box set.

But if you accepted that it was very normal to feel jealous. It was a normal human emotion. It was part of your negative 50%. Then you wouldn't need to resist. You wouldn't need to push it away. And you could just accept that yeah, sometimes I feel jealous. I'm a human on this planet and every human feels jealous sometimes and nothing's gone wrong. Right?

So step three is where you change your thoughts that are creating your jealousy into thoughts that are creating the feeling of inspired for you.

How can I not just do what they do, but ask myself what would they be thinking in that situation? So, for example, when you're at a party and you're full, if you ask yourself, what would this person be thinking? What would they be feeling? What would they be doing? So I often tell my clients this to think that about me because they think I have all the answers.

So I say to them, okay, if you are at the party and you're thinking what would Amruti do right? Start off by thinking, what would, Amruti be thinking, what would she be feeling and then what she'd be doing. So I often get them to access their own brains wisdom by thinking, what would I be thinking, feeling and doing...right?

They may think what would Amruti's morning routine be and why, what would they be doing for self care and why? And when you are looking to this other person as a source of inspiration, then you can use what they're doing, what they're thinking, what they're feeling as information and as inspiration to be like, oh, if they can do it, I can do it too.

Now their thoughts may not be the same as yours, but if you're struggling to find things to start off with, you could just borrow their thoughts and look for the belief in them. What I want to remind you is that in this step, when you're changing the thoughts that create jealousy to thoughts that create inspiration, what you want to do is compare yourself to your own journey instead of to the other person's journey, because we don't know what the other person has been through in that journey.

They have a 50, 50 life as well. So they may be struggling with something else and it may be something that you don't struggle with. Right? The reason I share my journey so honestly, is because I want you to know what it's like in reality, as a weight loss coach, everything isn't all rainbows and daisies.

I still have a 50 50 life. And even from the outside, if you think my life is perfect, There is still 50% negative emotion. Even for me, even the most famous celebrities have a 50, 50 life, even the prime minister, even the queen, even your children. So when we believe that, yes, it's okay to have that 50, 50 life then when it comes to you feeling jealous, you can just accept that. Yes. I'm feeling jealous right now. And it's because I'm thinking these thoughts, right?

So step one is being aware. Step two is accepting. Step three is changing the thoughts that are creating the feeling of jealous to thoughts that are creating the feeling of inspired that you actually believe.

And step four is rinsing and repeating. Because you can do it once and that will create that. But when you do it again and again and again, and keep redirecting your brain to thoughts that are much more useful for you, that's when it becomes inbuilt.

That's when it gets transferred from your prefrontal cortex to your primitive brain, so it then becomes much easier for you to do that as a habit, as opposed to you needing to tell your brain, okay, I need to redirect my brain to this.

So it just becomes much easier for you. So I truly believe that if someone else can do it, it's possible for me too, but it may not come naturally. I may have to remind my brain. But I think about my mentor and I think about it's her thoughts that created her results. So if I'm willing to keep working on my thinking and keep taking action from that place, like massive action, and being willing to be uncomfortable and not giving up, then I can achieve anything that I put my mind to as well.

And I believe that fully for all of my clients too. So when you come to me with doubt, I will present back to you with full belief, because I know that your thoughts create your results. And so if you're willing to keep working on your thinking, then you will create any result that you desire to. So you want to use this in a way that actually helps you.

So for me, I don't want to be the best footballer on in the world. It doesn't interest me. But it does interest me to help thousands of south Asian ladies feel better and lose weight as a side effect. That fires me up, that makes me want to wake up in the morning and do all of the uncomfortable things to help more ladies.

So what I want you to do is look for it in subtle ways that it shows up for you and notice it, be aware of it, accept it. And then look for how can I change the feelings of jealousy into the feeling of inspiration by changing the way I think about it, because feeling jealous feels icky and victimy, and feeling inspired will get you closer to your result.

So I urge you to look for how you can apply that in your life. And if you would like some help with this, this is exactly what we do in coaching. So go to the website, www.amruticoaching.com/work-with-me and you will be able to find out more information about the one-to-one coaching and the group coaching program.

Okay, ladies, I will see you next week. Take care. Bye.