Understanding your inner critic

Hi ladies, I just got off a coaching call and I wanted to do a podcast on something that has been something that I've been struggling with for a long time. And I know it will be really helpful for you. So I thought, whilst I'm inspired, I'm just going to record a short podcast for you and it's on how to identify what your inner critic is saying.

How to understand it from the inner critic's point of view and how to talk back to the inner critic in a way that you actually need. So what's been going on for me is that often my inner critic says, come on, get up off your ass and do the thing. Why are you not doing it yet? What is wrong with you? Come on.

You know how to do it? Get a move. And my inner critic is often quite harsh. She's quite judgmental. She's really quite rude actually. And I was thinking like, why is she like that? Why does that in a critic of mine? Talk to me like that. And the reason I came up with was because she has always done that.

She's always talk to herself like that. She's always been successful that way. So in my brain, I was able to be successful in my life in terms of getting through school, medical school, becoming a doctor, getting through my training, being a GP, Going through my advanced certification, going through my deep dive certifications, like all of the things that I have classed as making me successful have been because I have pushed myself in that way.

So that inner critic of mine is not trying to be mean to me, to push me down and to pull me there. What I realized. When I had that conversation with my inner critic, like, why do you say these things? It's because she believes in my, ability to get there. So for example, if it's like a financial goal in my business, then she knows without a shadow of a doubt that I'm capable.

She knows that, of course I'm able to achieve that goal. She knows that no matter what happens, I will figure it out. So she's only coming from that strict preachy judge-y energy, because she believes in my infinite potential. But how that comes across to me when she is constantly saying, why aren't you doing this?

Why are you doing this? what my other part of me feels is that I'm doing it wrong. I'm always doing it wrong and it's never good enough for myself. And I'm always telling myself off and then it just doesn't feel very good. And remember when it doesn't feel good, you're never going to get a positive result.

Because it's our thinking that creates our results, right? So if I'm thinking it's never going to be good enough, or I always mess it up, or I'm always mean to myself, none of those thoughts feel good. So I know that the results I'm going to get from those thoughts are just never going to be beneficial.

But when I understand that that inner self, that inner critic of mine She's actually talking like that because she's actually my biggest cheerleader. She is the one who believes in me, no matter what, she's only talking to me like that because she knows what I'm capable of. Then I was able to ask myself, okay, how am I able to use this unfaltering belief in me that my inner critic has in me for my benefit.

How can I actually tell her what I need? So when she is going off on one and saying, you're not doing it right, you know, it could, mom, you're not a good coach or, offering me those thoughts. What are the things that I could do in that moment to actually help myself one way is just to say, Hey brain, I hear you.

I know you're trying to protect. I know that you are believing in my infinite potential, but right now, this isn't helping you telling me that I'm not doing enough, that I'm not being a good mom, that I need to do X, Y, and Zed to be a good coach. That's not really helping me right now.

And I was actually making me feel pressure. And the actions I take from pressure door inaction. Really? I just don't do the thing. So even though you think that you're helping me, it's not helping me right now. And then reminding my brain, what would help me is for you to just tell me that you believe in me that it is completely going exactly how it's been.

The these emotions that I'm feeling right now are completely normal, that I have the ability to feel any emotion and that you have my back, no matter what I keep flipping between the you saying, and I saying, but it's the same thing. It's how you talk to yourself. And what I find is that when I'm able to tell them.

In a critic. Listen, I understand where you're coming from. I know you're just thinking of my greater good. I know that your sole purpose in life is to keep me alive, is to keep me doing the things that I've always done. And it's very scary to do new things. Of course, I understand. I understand where you're coming from, but also it's not helping me.

When you keep telling me these things, what will help me is you telling me that you believe in me, you telling me that I can feel any emotion and it's okay for my conscious self to tell my inner brain, I don't need that right now. This is not helping right now.

And so I'm choosing not to.

That is a power that we have with our human brain, with that prefrontal cortex. It's the reasoning part of our brain. So sometimes I allow myself to believe, I don't need to believe everything that my, habit brain offers me that my primitive brain offers me. It's going to offer me 60,000 thoughts a day and you know, what some of them are going to, you know, be the I'm amazing.

And some of them are going to be the I'm rubbish, which one do I. I get to choose, especially when there opposing thoughts. Right? And that's not like fake optimism. It's using the thoughts that you actually have about yourself, where you do actually like yourself and just increasing the volume on that.

That is the way you make shifts in your life. You choose the thoughts that you want to think, and you. I have to believe those. It can't just be a thought that you pluck out of there now that you don't believe a lot of my clients hate their bodies when they come to me. So you can't go to, I love my body straight away.

You need to get to somewhere in between. That feels a bit better. It may be something like I'm starting to hate my body less, or it may be, oh, there is one thing that I can find about myself that I like. So you can't automatically jump. It's got to be something that's believable that actually generates a feeling that's better for you because when you're fueling your actions with your thoughts and feelings that are thoughts that are serving you and feelings that are going to drive you to take action that you want.

That's when you create different results, not just doing what you've. And don't mistake yourself into thinking, well, yeah, no, this is me beating myself up is what's created my success in much in the amount of success that you could create when you actually have your own back. When you actually know that no matter what happens, you will figure out that no matter what happens, you would be able to feel that emotion because it was the worst thing that can ever happen.

It's you feeding an emotion?

So when you are able to tell yourself that, you know what I have your back, no matter what I believe in your ultimate potential. And yes, if the way I'm talking to you right now is not helping that's okay.

That's when the habit. We'll still offer those thoughts, but that's when the conscious brain can just step in and say, listen, that's not helping right now. This is what I need to hear. And the more you do that, the more you redirect your brain to something that's more useful, the more that becomes the habit, because your brain just wants to be efficient at this.

It doesn't really know the difference between right and wrong. It just wants to ensure your survival. And if you provide the safety to your brain, that this is actually going to ensure your survival, that's when your habit brain can actually help you. It can form this new habit of you having your own back of you, believing in yourself.

And when those negative thoughts come up, you could just redirect your brain. What I would advise you to do is write down all the thoughts, the harsh, critical thoughts that your brain is offering you, then ask yourself. Why do I think that my brain is offering me that thought if it was actually useful for me, what do I think that it's offering me that though?

That's a way of actually understanding. Okay. Where is my primitive brain? It's not there to harm me. It's actually there to protect me. So if I'm coming from that lens, what does my primitive brain think that offering me this thought? How does it think it's going to protect me? And when you're able to partner with that part of your brain, then it doesn't have to be a battle.

The whole. That your primitive brain is saying this. And then your preform tool is battling and resisting air, not feeling the emotion. And then, you know, in this like drama doesn't have to be dramatic. It could just be you putting your hand on your, on your chest and saying, listen, I know you're trying to protect me, but what I really, need right now is you to tell me that this is going to be okay, then nothing's gone wrong that you have my back, no matter what, that I'll figure it out.

So then you can make a list of what is it that you really need to hear in that moment. And then every time it comes up, you redirect your brain every time your brain says, oh, you're not doing enough. You redirect it to something that you believe it may be. I'm doing as much as I can right now. And that's perfect for me.

It may be, there's always going to be more that I could be doing, but that. Take away from how amazingly I'm doing right now. So that's when you can get from what I'm doing right now is perfect. And I can still learn from what I'm doing and keep improving. Right. So I wanted to bring this episode to you because this is very normal.

It's very normal for our primitive brain to sound like the. And a lot of my clients, what they do is they feel very angry at their primitive brain. They think their primitive brain is holding them back. Why does it keep offering me these thoughts that I'm not good enough that I'm not being a good enough mom, that I'm not doing well at work, that everyone doesn't like me, why does he keep offering me these thoughts?

That's what they keep asking me. And when I say to them that this is your primitive brain, trying to protect you. Try and look for the way that it's trying to do that. That's when they have a window of opportunity, a window of possibility that actually made me my primitive brain is actually doing this for me.

And they may not go to loving their primitive brain straight away. This may be like lifelong work. I mean, I know for me, I've been doing this work and I still am doing this work, but when I actually remind myself that, oh yeah, my primitive brain is just trying to protect. It's just, thinking that when I'm staying exactly how I am, then I'm safe that I'm not caught going out of the cave and I'm not going to be hunted by a wild bear.

Of course, of course, it's going to offer me these thoughts and I can help direct my primitive brain to actually help me. I can help direct my primitive brain to offer me thoughts that I actually do need So I don't need that food to provide me comfort. When my brain is being mean to me all day, I don't need to scroll on my phone.

I don't need to snap at my kids because I've just been mean to myself all day.

I can actually partner with myself and be like, you know what brain I have your back. I know that you are phenomenal and I'm going to keep reminding you. So this may seem like quite a deep episode for you. And if that is the case, that's okay. How can you pull out something from this episode that you can start practicing in your everyday life?

This is everyday work. This is multiple times a day work. So if you can just remind your brain, Hey, this is what I need right now. And keep reminding your brain. That is the thing that's going to make you feel better every single time. So lovely ladies, if you would like help with this, because this is the deep work that we do in the group coaching program.

If you think that yes, I could actually, use this work to help lose the weight for good and never have to worry about my weight ever again. And you also see that it's not just about the weight, it's about learning how to manage your mind so that all areas of your life. Then the grip coaching program is the perfect place for you.

You are welcome exactly how you are. You don't need to change a thing. Your brain is working perfectly for you right now. And we can just learn a few tools to make it work for you to help you create that goal of lasting weight loss that you've been waiting for all your life. This is the perfect place for you and you are welcome.

So if you'd like to sign up or to book a concert, you can go to www.amruticoaching.com/group and I would be honored to be your coach.

And on that note, have an amazing week and I'll talk to you next week. Bye.